Why I always have to say the same thing again
You said it on Tuesday, you say it again tonight in other words, hoping these ones will land.
The first time, it was calm. "It's a lot, carrying all of this." You got a "yeah, you're right," and nothing moved. So you say it another way. By the third round your voice tightens, and across from you comes a sigh: "Here we go again." That scene makes my chest hurt a little.
Underneath, you start hunting for the perfect sentence, as if the trouble were in how you put it, when you had already said everything. Each round costs you a little. You end up hearing yourself as someone who goes on and on, when you only ever asked for one thing. And you carry two jobs at once: saying it, and making sure it gets heard. Does that sound like you?
You look for the perfect sentence, as if the problem were how you said it.
I was wondering…
What would you let yourself ask for, if you knew saying it once was enough?