Why I keep repeating the same things
You decided in the car: this time you wouldn't say it like that. And the sentence came out anyway, same tone, same face across from you.
It's not that you learn nothing. You feel it coming: the stomach tightening, the sentence rising, and your mouth has finished before you chose. Afterwards there's just that small 'again', and it squeezes my heart a little for you.
What if it isn't a lack of willpower? What if it's an old way of protecting yourself, answering faster than you can because it worked once?
The job changes, the person changes, the scene stays the same. What it costs you is blaming yourself every time, as if you did it on purpose.
Your mouth has finished before you chose.
I was wondering…
What were you keeping safe, back when that sentence got there before you did?