Why do I always end up crying on my birthday
It's evening, the day is nearly over, and something closes your throat and you can't say what. You tell yourself it's silly.
The phone keeps lighting up. Kind messages, a call, someone who remembered. And it's the tenderest one that undoes you, or the one that never comes. You wipe your face and say "it's stupid, I'm fine", and I'm sorry it lands on the day that was meant to be yours.
If it feels heavier than a birthday, findahelpline.com can find you someone to talk to right now, or call the emergency services where you live.
The rest of the year you carry everything and keep going. On this one day, everyone looks at you and gives, and you're only asked to receive. The count of the year arrives too: where you are, who is here. The tears come because, for once, nothing needs holding up. It costs you: you start dreading the date, and apologising for crying on it.
The rest of the year you hold it together. On this one day, you're only asked to receive.
I was wondering…
What do you do with kindness, on a day you haven't earned a single bit of it?