Why do I always end up crying when I'm drunk
It's late, the music is still going, someone just said something kind, and suddenly your eyes sting. You don't even know why.
If it feels heavier than one night, findahelpline.com, or the emergency services where you live: someone answers right now.
All week you said "I'm fine," you smiled, you swallowed it. Then a drink, two, and the lid moves. It comes out on the stairs, in the bathroom, on a friend's shoulder, over a song, over an "are you sure you're okay?" I find it almost tender that it finally finds a way out.
It's not the drink that's sad. It just opens the door to what was waiting behind it, the week's "I'm fine"s, the things kept so nobody gets bothered. The next day you tell yourself "it was only the alcohol," and it all closes again. What that costs: whatever weighs on you only gets to come out when you can't hold the door.
It's not the drink that's sad.
I was wondering…
What would it be like for you to cry in front of someone and not have to say it was the alcohol?